off trippin, 2

Well,

Some of you may have already been singing the final lament of this poor rambling little excrescence of prose. Satisfyingly for me though, you'd be wrong. You couldn't be more wrong if you'd thrown the first stone at Jesus instead of the lady tied to the stake.

I've been on holiday...

Sunday:
We left Bangkok on Sunday evening, Sam, Laura, Sam, Emily and myself (yes, two Sams). On a Nok-Air flight to Phuket. Here we were to remain for an unspecified length of time - it's the first time I've been anywhere without having any idea where I was to stay or how long for. Either way, we booked into the Thavorn hotel and stayed there for the night. It cost us about 4 quid per room. Needless to say, it was hideous. There was air-con, but it didn't work. Worse things have happened - like shelling out 100 quid for a room when 4 would do!



Monday:
Got up early, in order to avoid the terrible reality of the room - had a quick shower it was cold, by design. Or at least, there was no heated water, but how a country with more sun than mercury can ever need to heat water at all, I don't know.
After an agonizing 20 minutes where the receptionist hunted for our passports (We had asked her to put them in the safe, for safe keeping, as it were, and they were eventually discovered under a pile of paper on the corner of the desk. That was the last time it left my bag except to fill in check-in slips at other hotels.

While I went to get some contact lenses from an optician down the road (I didn't bring any spares or my glasses, because I'm a fool, the others went off to hire a car... We got a Susuki jeep with giant perspex windows and no seat belts. They don't seem to have heard of them out here. For a tenner. They didn't check the driving license. Death is just around the corner. I now find the lenses for my right eye were about a third too strong, and everything seems blurred now I'm back on my correct prescription... damn.

Anyway, once free of the Thavorn hotel, and it's picturesque holes in the door and blood on the sheets, we drove off to a beach on the south west of the island. You'll forgive me if I can't remember which one, we didn't stay for long - it was full of very old people. After a brief dip, off once more up the west coast of Phuket. Here passing about every beach on the island before eventually reaching the one we were heading for. It's in a national park, and as we approached, a lady stepped out as if to charge us entry. We charged her, and avoided frittering any money away on silly things like conservation.



This seemed to be a good beach, but we never really found out, since it was straight onto a long-tailed boat (they're boats, with long tails) with snorkeling gear and giant flippers. I love swimming with those things, you go at a massive speed, it's just really sad when you take them off and go back to swimming with your tiny feet.

The snorkelling was pretty good, certainly the best I've had the opportunity to do, around this little pile of rocks with a few trees 30 foot up in the air. The sea was quite choppy, but even then, the water was fairly clear, and there was a pretty good collection of wildlife to be marvelled at. Clown fish, Angel fish, Giant blue starfish, and my personal favourite, a blowfish which can swim impressively quickly when un-blown, but if you tease and threaten it, by swimming too close and trying to grab it, it inflates into a ball. This defence mechanism would be more effective if it wasn't now completely unable to do anything apart from float very slowly to the surface and flap madly with its tiny, tiny fins. We held it in our cupped hands and looked at its little face. It was either bloody scared, or alternatively, and this would be my guess, seriously pissed off.

Then we went to visit Ellie in her 5 star abode. I wasn't unimpressed. They had a plunge pool on the roof of their own little villa thing, for God's sake.

After a nice evening of eating and drinking, the designated driver* took us back to Phuket town, and back into the clutches of the Thavorn.



Tuesday:
Feeling once more suitably refreshed by the cold shower, we headed for the ferry-port that would lead the way to Phi Phi Don. Don is the larger of the two Phi Phis, and the only one with any buildings. Both are in fact a national park, but the commission has done a rubbish job of protecting Phi-Phi Don, and a reasonable one of protecting Phi-Phi Lei. I don't know about the spelling, by the way, but I'm not sure it matters. Anyway, the ferry was OK, air-con inside etc. Unfortunately, while it did do trips just to take people there and back, it also ran as a cruse-like tour boat. This meant we had to sit there waiting for a good hour while tourists** clambered off onto some other raft to be moddled and coddled away.



Once on Phi-Phi, we got a boat straight to Long Beach, which is longer, hence the name. It is also much quieter and doesn't have so many tourists. There were a few OK hotels here, which were rather expensive and rather basic, but this is a gap year after all.

That afternoon, we rented a couple of kyacks and explored some of the coastline.

Report: Rocky and Wet on all fronts.



WORK IN PROGRESS: Thought I'd shove this up since it's already quite long. I'll continue writing later in the week. Photos will trickle along the interweb's tubes every now and again. I've got a few hundred - most are a bit crap.

Dom

*Not me, I crash.
**Since I live in Thailand, I hate being seen as a Tourist. I hate it anyway, but doubly so. For this reason, I'm making the effort as far as rudimentary Thai goes, but am considering getting a sign made up which says in Thai - "I live here, for God's sake". Or, alternatively, "Fuck Off". Either would serve the purpose, I feel.

another treat

I'm busy writing up half-term, it's taking some time, but here's a picture of me in a taxi. Just to remind you of my beauty.

Dom

Craziness

Today is the first day of the Chinese New Year, accordingly, Bangkok, at least, bits of it, have gone crazy. Well at any rate, the school was a bit. We all came in today wearing red, or at least, as much red as we could. Given my incredible sense of style and mature sophistication, I wore another of those damn orchestra tour shirts - which just happened to be red.

Needless to say, like many of these far eastern cultures, the Chinese are absolutely crazy. They have music which is effectively a tuned drum being whacked repeatedly by one guy, and two guys with cymbals standing on either side going crash.. crash... crash. Cool, but a bit random, I'll be frank.

Anyway, they started off with some people dressed as dragony-liony things dancing around on the floor, with some other insane looking guy wearing a huge mask waving a stick at them.

After this, the guys playing the music ran around the square holding flags. I wouldn't be lying if I said the proceedings dragged slightly at this point...

Anyway, after the boring bit, the guys got back to their bashing and shouting, and then the fun started. Another couple of guys slipped into a dragon costume (much more gaudy than the others) and began this routine of jumping around poles and roaring and standing on heads and all sorts - piccies to follow once I get back to school next week.

After this rather entertaining spectacle, some of the Chinese chappies clothed completely in yellow and blue, (what admirable alliteration!) made a huge human pyramid, though it was more a triangle, in actuality, of about 5 people high. They put a 2 year old at the top. Then they jumped down, and made a human tower (no pyramid or triangle, just one column of guys) with a baby on top - literally, a baby.

Naturally, some of the staff were looking a little uncomfortable by this point.

Straight after that, they all scuttled off to get this 30 foot pole lying on the ground a few meters away. Then they tied the 2 year old to the end of it, and stuck him up in the air. The kids, given that kids are obsessed and delighted by violence or even potential danger, loved it. The staff, particularly the school inspectors sitting next to the headmaster, did not. It was when another bloke climbed to the top and untied the kid - dropping him down the pole between his legs that we were certain white meat was to be on the lunch menu.

Dom

Taxi?

Hello,

OK, so it's been a while - anyone who had the inestimable privilege of reading one of my previous blog incarnations will know that the following. I start well, full of enthusiasm and with a light hearted, "give a damn and the devil's fist" sort of attitude. Shortly after this (say a few weeks, depending on how interesting my life is at this point in time), comes the lapse - say 2 weeks without any sign of life. Not even any comments. (Thanks to anyone who did contribute a little something by the way, to those who read and did not share their praise, a thousand curses be upon you and your family.) Anyway, after the lapse comes the hopeful comeback. I believe the name explains all in this case. Finally the slow, rasping, pitiful slump into the underbelly of the interweb.

We haven't quite got there yet - and don't for a minute think we're even onto the hopeful comeback. That wasn't anything like the sort of lapse you can prepare yourself to expect soon...

Anyway. This weekend, Sam's parents have been out in Bangkok. I was feeling a bit left out in advance, since Laura, Sam and Ellie all have friends coming over in half-term to spread the love. I have no one. This could be because I'm a bastard. I don't know. Either way, Sam asked me to come along to dinner on Saturday with his family, and on Sunday I ended up joining their touristy expedition to the north. We went to some place, the name of which escapes me, in order to view "the old city". This is a place totally stuffed full of Wats. A Wat, incidentally, is a sort of Thai temple. They have a central holy bit, replete with budda and assorted holy items. They have other holy bits, also dripping with symbols of a religious nature. They also have a number of random circular towers that closely resemble, to my eye at any rate, a giant phallus.

After that, we rode on some elephants. That was awesome, by the way. I've got a few photos which I'll upload later.

Anyway, the title of this post suggests something to do with taxis, and it would be remiss of me to disappoint you all. Therefore, I shall present a few pointers regarding the use of taxis in Bangkok (possibly Thailand in general).

1. Don't be a woman.

For whatever reason, the taxi drivers here are selectively deaf in one special way. They are completely immune to the sound of the female voice. Sadly, due to my fantastic hair, they seem to lump me in with this crowd.


2. Try not to care where you end up.

That way, when you inevitably end up somewhere as far away from where you wanted to be, you will at least not be too disappointed. It seems to me that a basic prerequisite of being a taxi driver is the ability to navigate from place to place, and to actually drive safely. When you are trapped in one of their vehicles, I assure you, this does not seem to be the case.


3. Don't bother trying to speak Thai.

Just don't. Unless you're talented in ways I can only dream about in the small hours of the morning, you are likely to adopt your best Thai accent, thrill with delight as you realise you can remember exactly what you were told to say, repeat it slowly with a triumphant air and finally give up after 10 minutes of trying to make the rogue behind the wheel understand you.

On one occasion, I succeeded - I was on my own for the first time, and said the magic words - "By Sathu Pradit, Soi Sip-Gau". Which, though I spelt most of it wrongly, means Goto Sathu Pradit, side-road 19. I had to repeat Sip-Gau about 19 times before he understood, but eventually I was on the way home. Half a minute in, and I was just beginning to relax, I find out the bloody guy spoke English.

Comment, you five-sided fools!

Dom