Taxi?

Hello,

OK, so it's been a while - anyone who had the inestimable privilege of reading one of my previous blog incarnations will know that the following. I start well, full of enthusiasm and with a light hearted, "give a damn and the devil's fist" sort of attitude. Shortly after this (say a few weeks, depending on how interesting my life is at this point in time), comes the lapse - say 2 weeks without any sign of life. Not even any comments. (Thanks to anyone who did contribute a little something by the way, to those who read and did not share their praise, a thousand curses be upon you and your family.) Anyway, after the lapse comes the hopeful comeback. I believe the name explains all in this case. Finally the slow, rasping, pitiful slump into the underbelly of the interweb.

We haven't quite got there yet - and don't for a minute think we're even onto the hopeful comeback. That wasn't anything like the sort of lapse you can prepare yourself to expect soon...

Anyway. This weekend, Sam's parents have been out in Bangkok. I was feeling a bit left out in advance, since Laura, Sam and Ellie all have friends coming over in half-term to spread the love. I have no one. This could be because I'm a bastard. I don't know. Either way, Sam asked me to come along to dinner on Saturday with his family, and on Sunday I ended up joining their touristy expedition to the north. We went to some place, the name of which escapes me, in order to view "the old city". This is a place totally stuffed full of Wats. A Wat, incidentally, is a sort of Thai temple. They have a central holy bit, replete with budda and assorted holy items. They have other holy bits, also dripping with symbols of a religious nature. They also have a number of random circular towers that closely resemble, to my eye at any rate, a giant phallus.

After that, we rode on some elephants. That was awesome, by the way. I've got a few photos which I'll upload later.

Anyway, the title of this post suggests something to do with taxis, and it would be remiss of me to disappoint you all. Therefore, I shall present a few pointers regarding the use of taxis in Bangkok (possibly Thailand in general).

1. Don't be a woman.

For whatever reason, the taxi drivers here are selectively deaf in one special way. They are completely immune to the sound of the female voice. Sadly, due to my fantastic hair, they seem to lump me in with this crowd.


2. Try not to care where you end up.

That way, when you inevitably end up somewhere as far away from where you wanted to be, you will at least not be too disappointed. It seems to me that a basic prerequisite of being a taxi driver is the ability to navigate from place to place, and to actually drive safely. When you are trapped in one of their vehicles, I assure you, this does not seem to be the case.


3. Don't bother trying to speak Thai.

Just don't. Unless you're talented in ways I can only dream about in the small hours of the morning, you are likely to adopt your best Thai accent, thrill with delight as you realise you can remember exactly what you were told to say, repeat it slowly with a triumphant air and finally give up after 10 minutes of trying to make the rogue behind the wheel understand you.

On one occasion, I succeeded - I was on my own for the first time, and said the magic words - "By Sathu Pradit, Soi Sip-Gau". Which, though I spelt most of it wrongly, means Goto Sathu Pradit, side-road 19. I had to repeat Sip-Gau about 19 times before he understood, but eventually I was on the way home. Half a minute in, and I was just beginning to relax, I find out the bloody guy spoke English.

Comment, you five-sided fools!

Dom